then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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