I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drake has all the answers
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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