its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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