Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
