You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize