i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
