You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
