Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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