you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
