Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
