apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
