is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
