Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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