i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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