I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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