Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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