Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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