I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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