16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
