I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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