i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Holy sore nipples Batman
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
