oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
they need to just BURY HIM!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
