WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Alive.
So much puke
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
