Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am one with the molecules
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I believe in your delicious
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
