Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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