youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
