The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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