Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
