Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
