Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
