Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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