I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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