I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
