I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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