If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
