Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
