I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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