We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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