i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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