I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't turn off my feet"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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