This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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