I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
