I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My dick has a subreddit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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