Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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