Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
