Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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