she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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