i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
