Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
