pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
home. puking in laundry basket.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
