I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
