the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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