I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize