don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize