I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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