On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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