I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
