cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
