I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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