First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
