It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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