I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize