If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize