Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't tell me you're on acid again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize