Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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