I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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