He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
