Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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